Marriage Conflicts: Handling first disagreements in marriage for long-lasting love

Getting married is an exciting new chapter, filled with memorable firsts— your first dance, your first vacation as spouses, or your first holiday. One “first” may catch you off guard. Your first disagreement as a married couple. This is inevitable and can dampen the excitement surrounding your relationship’s new phase. What are some of the common causes of disagreements in a marriage? And how can you navigate it in a way that strengthens your bond rather than creating distance?

Common Causes Of Disagreements In Marriage

1. Financial Differences

Merging finances can be one of the biggest adjustments after marriage. Suddenly, you’re not just managing your own money—you’re working as a team. Differences in spending habits, saving priorities, or pre-existing debts can quickly lead to tension. Maybe one of you is a saver while the other is more spontaneous with spending. Or perhaps one of you carries student loan debt that the other never had to think about before.

This can include debts that your partner may struggle with that you didn’t have to think about until you combined your finances. Or maybe your partner doesn’t save as much as you do. 

2. Familial Tensions

Marriage doesn’t just unite two individuals—it merges two families. This can sometimes lead to friction. Whether it’s in-laws offering unsolicited advice, differing family traditions, or feeling caught between loyalty to your spouse and your parents, these tensions can seep into your relationship and cause conflict.

3. Division of Household Responsibilities

Marriage may create conflict over who does which household chores or different approaches to doing chores.  Maybe one partner prefers to fold their laundry right out of the dryer, while the other prefers emptying the dryer and folding everything the next day. This can lead to resentment bubbling up when a compromise is not discussed. 

Strategies For Handling Your First Conflict As A Newly Weds

1. Use ‘I feel’ statements

Instead of blaming your partner, try to focus on your own feelings and communicate in a way that fosters understanding. To avoid phrasing that may make your partner feel like you’re blaming them, use ‘I feel’ statements.

Saying “I feel overwhelmed when we don’t stick to our budget” is more effective than “You’re always overspending.” This approach helps prevent defensiveness and keeps the conversation solution-focused.

Implementing this early into your marriage creates a habit that will keep conversations solution-focused.

2. Try to understand your partner’s perspective

Your initial reaction to conflict might be to focus on your perspective to prove your point. For healthy conflict resolution, focus on your partner’s perspective and how they’re feeling.

Ask your partner questions like, “Can you help me understand why this is important to you?” Validating their feelings—even if you don’t fully agree—can lead to a stronger resolution. 

3. Practice the 5-5-5 method

Allow your partner to talk for 5 minutes, you then speak for 5 minutes, and then you both discuss for five minutes. Establishing set times for listening and expressing feelings can pave a faster pathway to resolution. This method creates a structured way to express emotions without escalating tensions.

4. Therapy

Both individual and couples therapy can be valuable in strengthening your relationship. Attending individual therapy helps by helping you with personal challenges that may affect your marriage. Couples therapy allows you to have an outside perspective from a trained mental health professional who can guide you to a healthier relationship. 

5. It’s both of you against the problem

Don’t view your partner as the problem; instead, work together to fix the problem. Approaching conflicts as a team helps prevent resentment and builds a stronger, more supportive marriage.

Conflicts in relationships are difficult to deal with; even more difficult is navigating your first conflict in your marriage. Implementing these methods and strategies can help you and your partner set the foundation for a resilient and loving marriage.

If you or your partner are struggling, Lifecare Wellness Counseling is here to help. Book an appointment today at Lifecare Wellness Counseling to begin strengthening your communication and building a healthier relationship.